A Platform for a Third-Party Write-In Candidate

I found this post over at TexasFred. He found it on Southern Sass on Crime.

I "borrowed" it to post here, as I think it is not only funny, but does make a great deal of sense.

I want to thnak them for the information on the list.

Many have posted on the these two blogs that they would support a candidate who ran on such a platform. I have to agree.

Here is the platform for a third party, write-in candidate:

(1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned. English is the official language. Speak it or wait at the border until you can.

(2) We will immediately go into a two-year isolationist posture to straighten out the country’s attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the ‘Wal-Mart’ policy: ‘If we ain’t got it, you don’t need it.’

(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.

(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (Six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5) Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn’t put nuttin’ in, you ain’t getting’ nuttin’ out. Neither the president nor any other politician will be able to touch it.

(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week, and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.

(7) Professional Athletes –Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you will be banned for life.

(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method: The first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There will be no more life sentences — if you are convicted of a Capitol Offense, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim, gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9) One export will be allowed - Wheat — The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we’ll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it’s a worthy cause

(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress — right after a prayer to God.

(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

I love this. Many liberal tree-huggers would fight it, but it would take care of a large number of our country's problems. Even implementing a few of these ideas would make a large different for the better.

Please post your thoughts, and keep it clean (as clean as you can)!

"Stupidity has a certain charm - ignorance does not" - Frank Zappa